Pakistan sink to new low

Were this series a boxing bout, the referee would have stopped it by now. Had it been a horse race, Pakistan would have fallen at the first. And had it been anything to do with swimming, Pakistan would surely have drowned.
As it is, just one day into the second Test of a four-match series, and Pakistan are being embarrassed. Less than a week after registering their lowest Test score against England (80 at Trent Bridge), they set a grim new record: bowled out in under 40 overs for just 72.

There are some mitigating factors. Pakistan are in a rebuilding phase and their young batsmen – four of their top seven can muster just 15 Tests between them – have precious little experience in such bowler friendly conditions.

Nor can the last 12-months have been easy. The team has been torn apart by off-field issues and the lack of stability – and the flooding – in their homeland can hardly have helped.

England’s bowlers deserve credit, too. In these conditions, Jimmy Anderson is a masterful performer and the movement he gained here – at will and in both directions – would have tested any batsmen. Stuart Broad has also made huge strides this summer and produced a performance of maturity and skill. Instead of straining for pace, both men were content to allow the conditions to help them and remain patient. It wasn’t as if Pakistan’s batsmen made them wait for long.

And that’s the problem. For though Pakistan do have some reasons to feel hard done-by, a total of 72 is hardly excusable. Particularly after winning the toss.

Their batsmen lacked application and technique. Despite having arrived in England over a month ago, they are still pushing, prodding and thrashing at the moving ball as if they are on subcontinent pitches. This contest resembles amateurs against professionals.

Farhat and Butt were both drawn into pushing at deliveries angled across them, Shoaib Malik was brilliantly caught by the impressive Matt Prior after driving at a fine outswinger, before Azhar Ali, petrified at pushing at an outswinger, was trapped by one that nipped back. Umar Akmal was punished for not moving his feet and pinned in front, while Zulqarnain Haider looked out of his depth as he edged a good length ball. Umar Amin flashed optimistically and was well caught at third slip.

There can be few excuses for their fielding, either. They missed between four or five chances (depending on how harshly you want to judge them) in the 34.2 overs of England’s reply, providing their deserving bowlers with very little chance of clawing their way back into the game. Imran Farhat’s drop at first slip, off Mo Asif, when Jonathan Trott had just eight, was a shocker and suffice it to say that the performance of debutant Zulqarnain Haider, who followed his first ball dismissal with an untidy display behind the stumps, suggests the search for a reliable wicket-keeper goes on.

Where do Pakistan go from here? There aren’t any quick fixes. So they have to show patience with this group of players. They have shown they have ability – it is, remember, only a couple of Tests since they defeated Australia – and they will improve. Perhaps the likes of Mohammad Yousuf might add steel to the middle-order, but it’s asking a great deal for a man who hasn’t played cricket for months to come into this side and precipitate an immediate improvement. He’s not an alchemist.

Besides, England have a few concerns of their own. Alastair Cook, who was fooled by a slower ball bouncer and miscued a pull to slip, looks horribly uncomfortable with anything on or outside off stump – which is quite a problem for an opening batsmen – while Kevin Pietersen is pushing for the ball without confidence. He has been dropped twice already. Andrew Strauss edged a good one that swung back at him sharply.

On a larger scale, the ECB must be concerned about the attendance at Edgbaston. After the debacle of Leeds, where Pakistan supporters stayed away in their droves, just 10,000 attended the first day here. A similar number are expected on the second day, but much fewer from there on. It means Warwickshire will fall somewhere below budget (they were anticipating sales of around 45,000 over the course of the game).

It would nice to think that lessons might be learned. Ticket prices here (£60 for adults and between £10 and £20 for under-16s) are patently too high and Pakistan supporters were again very thin on the ground.  But, with the whole of the English game desperately scrabbling for every last pound in order to pay-off their eye-watering debts, it will take a major re-think before anything changes.

The ECB are currently close to securing the right to host next year’s Pakistan v India series; it is to be hoped Indian supporters show more interest in the fortunes of their Test side.

The Hit Parade: the 2007 ICC World Twenty20 day by day

| Day 1 |

What’s a par score in international Twenty20? 170? 180? What about 200-plus? The West Indies race out of the traps to hit 205/6 against South Africa at the Wanderers, with Chris Gayle playing the innings of the tournament inside the first hour: 117 runs off 57 balls, including 88 runs in boundaries. By half-time the Windies are installed as second favourites to win the whole thing. By full-time, that’s out the window as slack bowling and slack fielding return to haunt them and the Saffers revisit their 438-v-434 Jo’burg heroics: they chase the target down with 14 balls to spare. Pundits don their tin hats and prepare for a big-scoring tournament – although, in fact, only one more game (India v England) would produce more runs, and no-one else would hit a century over the whole fortnight.

| Day 2 |

A sensation in Cape Town as Zimbabwe, who have not beaten a major side in an ODI for nearly four years, turn over Australia. After some – according to Punter Ponting – “diabolical” batting at the top, the world champs recover from 19/3 to make a paltry 138/9. Zims’ keep-bat Brendan Taylor (60 off 45) then shows them how its done, holding his nerve to ‘hit’ the winning leg byes with a ball to spare. “Of course I’m embarrassed,” declares Punter, talking even faster than normal. “Wehavebeenoutplayed. It is a mental thing for us. We have to start respecting the game.”

| Day 3 |

First, Zimbabwe beat Australia; now England – thanks to 79 off 37 from KP and some mid-order strangling from Mascarenhas and Schofield with the ball – beat Zimbabwe. KP puts two and two together and gets… ahead of himself: “We have a great chance to send Australia home early,” he says. “They humiliated us throughout last winter and it would be nice to give them a bit of humiliation in return.”

India-Scotland is abandoned without a ball being bowled – which, weirdly, puts India on the brink of going home if they lose too heavily to Pakistan.

West Indies are already going home – they lose by six wickets to Bangladesh, thanks chiefly to Mo Ashraful’s 61 off 27 balls.

| Day 4 |

England-Australia! In the most exciting format of the game yet invented! Should have been a thriller… but it’s as flat as yesterday’s beer, as England look at best cowed and at worst second rate. Humiliation is on the menu, as KP predicted, but it’s Australia who win with more than five overs to spare. There are 17 dot balls in the first six overs of England’s innings, as the right-armer Clark and the left-armer Johnson find the exact unplayable spot (generally very wide outside off stump) and keep plugging at it.

After England limp along painfully to 135, the pitch is apparently changed for the Aussie innings: Hayden and Gilchrist play as if on a carefree drive in the country. James Kirtley’s first over in international cricket for three years begins with three fours from Hayden. Kirtley is taken off at once and not seen for the rest of the tournament. Freddie Flintoff, the pick of the bowlers, spends the second half wincing. As do England supporters around the world.

In Durban, India and Pakistan play out international T20’s first-ever tie. With top-scorer Misbah-ul-Haq at the crease, Pakistan need just a single to win off the last two balls – but Misbah is run out off the last ball, plunging the sides into 1) a crazily extended 15-minute interlude with everyone running about, practising bowling, giving interviews and so forth and 2) an exciting (but irrelevent) bowl out. India, nominating part-time bowlers Sehwag and Uthappa in their first three, hit the stumps three times out of three. Pakistan manage… nought. Indian skipper MS Dhoni reveals he chose his bowlers based on who’d done well in practice; Pakistan skip Shoaib Malik reveals he didn’t even know there was going to be a shoot-out.

Earlier in the day, Sri Lanka hammer a world-record 260/6 (Jayasuriya 88 from 44, Jayawardene 65 from 27, Mubarak 45 from 13) to trounce Kenya by 172 runs – the equivalent of a 430-run win in a 50-over game.

| Day 5 |

Sri Lanka and South Africa win dead group-stages rubbers. On the eve of England’s game against the hosts, Paul Collingwood has a late-night trip to an ‘inappropriate’ bar that will end up with him saying sorry and being fined £1000. No one knows about the inappropriate trip at this stage. Not even, for five or ten minutes, Colly himself who takes a while to work out that he’s drinking in South Africa’s premier ‘upmarket’ lapdance bar, with 100 ‘beautiful’ ‘dancers’ in the ‘area’. He had it down as a JD Wetherspoons! And this guy’s the captain!

| Day 6 |

The Super Eights kick off. Australia, into their stride after their brushes with minnows Zimbabwe and England, give Bangladesh a thumping. Brett Lee takes the first T20 hat-trick; the batters knock off the runs with six overs to spare.

In Cape Town, England miss seven catches as they contrive to blow a winning position against South Africa. Colly is involved in the key mix-up, with Owais Shah, in the field: the Saffers are 113/6 with just 17 balls left, when the pair miss Albie Morkel off Schofield. Morkel turns into a superman, makes 43 off 20, Saffers post 154 and England never get near. KP is freakishly run-out, after colliding with bowler Shaun Pollock; Colly gets a first-ball duck and ends a glum day by sending in Jeremy Snape – five years out of ODIs and three weeks since his last county innings – ahead of in-form whacker Dimi Mascarenhas. Snape gets 7 from 400 balls (okay, 11) as England go down by 19 runs.

| Day 7 |

Pakistan shape up for being the dark horses by beating pre-tournament second-favourites Sri Lanka in Jo’burg. Coach Moores breaks Matt Prior’s thumb in training, leaving England without a specialist keeper for tomorrow’s possibly crunch game with New Zealand.

| Day 8 |

England throw it away against New Zealand, much as they did against South Africa. Except even more so. Vikram Solanki takes the gauntlets and does… alright. England have the Black Caps in the cart twice: 1) when they reduce them to 91/5 before letting them off the hook 2) when Solanki and Maddy put on 62 in eight overs for the first wicket. But England STILL lose their way, chasing 165 to win: KP gets bowled by Vettori attempting a crazy reverse sweep. There are three hapless run outs. It’s not a professional showing. Colly is fined £1000 for his visit to the lapdance club.

| Day 9 |

England’s supermodel-thin hopes of qualification for the semis end when Justin Kemp (89 from 56) manhandles South Africa to victory over New Zealand. That means England are left playing for pride against India. Which soon disappears over extra-cover, backward point, square-leg, midwicket (twice) and mid-on as Yuvraj Singh biffs his way into history by hitting six sixes off Stuart Broad. Actually, the ball flies off his bat with a series of effortless flicks as Broad tries everything to halt the raining maximums bar varying his pace, line, length and little-boy-lost facial expression.

Yuvraj, his 50 coming off an insane 12 balls, is the difference between the teams. While England prepare to fly on to Sri Lanka, Andrew Flintoff, who has played through the pain throughout the tournament, will, it is announced, fly home. Ricky Ponting is also ruled out of the rest of the tournament after twanging his hammy.

| Day 10 |

It’s come down to an effective quarter-final at Newlands between the 50-over World Cup finalists. But, once again, Australia simply blow Sri Lanka away, dismissing them for 101 and then knocking off the runs in 62 balls without losing a wicket.

“Everything happens so quickly, I don’t think there’s time to choke,” said Shaun Pollock before the tournament. Wrong! The Saffers, so far unbeaten, tumble out of the tournament in humiliating fashion: skittled for 116 (including a solitary six) by India, they lose by 37 runs. “There’s a lot of disappointment knowing you’ve lost one game in the tournament and you’re out,” says Graeme Smith, showing a masterful understanding of how cups work.

| Day 11 |

Rest day. And, according to MS Dhoni, the players really need it. “It is just a three-hour match,” quoth the stumper. “But the intensity and involvement is more than a 50-over match or even a Test match.” Australia’s always-injured Shane Watson must surely agree. He lives up to his ‘New Flintoff tag’ as he returns home with a hamstring injury, leaving the Aussies with just 13 fit players.

| Day 12 |

Pakistan and India win through to a dream final after two breathless semis. In Cape Town, New Zealand go to pieces against Pakistan. A seething Daniel Vettori describes his side’s batting as “pretty inept” as they make 143/8. Ross Taylor manages to run out two team-mates in farcical circumstances and to spill a chance in the deep off Pakistan danger-man Imran Nazir. Nazir hits five sixes in a 59 that sets up the successful run chase.

In a noisy Kingsmead stadium full of their own supporters, India unseat Australia in a terrific topsy-turvy game. Another imperious innings from Yuvraj Singh (70 off 30 this time) leads India to a mighty 188/5, before a pumped-up Sree Sreesanth despatches Gilchrist and Hayden with a) perfect yorkers and b) a load of shouting, gesturing and punching the ground. Australia’s hearts-in-mouths chase twists both ways. With 54 needed off five and Hussey and Symonds at the crease, it looks their game. But Harbhajan Singh puts the clamps on and the Aussies wind up needing an impossible 22 off the last over.

| Day 13 |

Another rest day. It’s been an amazing tournament, almost perfectly run, but the Powers That Be will insist on a fly in the ointment. Holding the final on a Monday not a Sunday. What’s that about?

| Day 14 |

India snatch the trophy in the last over of a final worthy of a great tournament. In front of 32,000 in Jo’burg, two breathless weeks of cricket comes down to one ill-judged shot. With six needed off four balls, Misbah-ul-Haq (him again) opts to try an insane paddle over his shoulder off Joginder Sharma. He’s caught at short fine leg and the game is up for Pakistan. “No-one expected us to win,” says skipper Dhoni afterwards. “But the way we played today we deserve a big celebration.”